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girl with long dark hair sitting in an empty bathtub

have you…?

have you ever sat in weird places? like inside your closet? or bathrub? or under your dining table? or next to your front door? no? oh right, me neither #sundaze

sunflower park

things I like, vol. 2

Energy work

God, the Divine

Writing 

Uncovering me, udee

Infused water

Plant medicine

Growing older

Scents: essential oils, smudge sprays

Mystery schools

mirrors essenes

a small prayer: mirrors

who are your mirrors?

may they be kind in their reflection.

may they amplify your glow.

may they hold space for you.

sunflower park

things I like vol. 1

Writing

Photography

The name Maya

Neuroscience 

Quantum physics

Music and human voices in music 

Language, culture, travel

Bewilderment and wonder 

I Am, Morning Page

I am awake, alive

Surrounded by last night’s slow heat

I am present – here in this moment

Slowly becoming alert, spending my morning

Digging the cave of my mind as it opens to the world

I am hopeful – hopeful for today

Ready to be carried by its rhythms and melodies

I am emanating morning glow

My heat bouncing into the day’s adventures

I am within my body, feeling every inch of the space I take up

I am awake alive

Presently emanating the hope that fills my body’s grounds

My soul

 photo IMG_6614_zpsqu0z1bdw.gif
Like a tiny doll
trapped in her pirouette box
Wind me; confine me
Steady rotation
Dizzying; banality
I wait to wake up
Yet in certainty
As the sun rises daily
Find me out my cage

To Unlearn: What I No Longer Believe to be True

unlearn <un·learn>

ˌənˈlərn/verb
discard (something learned, especially a bad habit or false or outdated information) from one’s memory.
——
  1. College is the only or surest way to succeed in the modern world. We know no examples. Bill Gates. Oprah.
  2. Smart people always make good decisions. If you are smart, you cannot be wrong. Ever. Duh.
  3. No one will ever truly look out for you, with the exemption of your family. Family members – the ones you do not choose – are the only people you can trust. Surely, everyone is ultimately out to get you in the long run. If people leave, even when their appointed season in your life is over, that is the zenith of betrayal. Off with their heads! Every institution – even the most blessed, pure, and loving – has its limitations. That can’t possibly be ok.
  4. You cannot set boundaries with family. “I love you, mother… Thanks for calling the third time today… Yes, yeah… I’m on the look out for my future husband. Of course!…. Yes, a medical doctor, yes, medical… I have the criteria list seared into my mind… I’ll review the scroll right before I head out to work… Oh yeah… yeah, it’s morning here – kinda early….”
  5. Life is not meant to be enjoyed. What is happiness? Struggle is life. Struggle defines life. Despite the fact that you only get one chance at living, why would you actually enjoy any part of it? This is not a game. #struggleislife
  6. Men are on the fuckboy spectrum. Therefore, can they really ever be a partner and ally? Not one man is worth the time of day. They’re all such good men, and yet leave behind throngs of broken women in their wake. I mean, why expect respect and harmony in a relationship when all he really needs from you is a warm, cooked meal and a warmer body? I mean, really, #NotAllMen, amirite?
  7. True love eludes women who are decisive, inquisitive, and have at least one degree. The more degrees you attain, ladies, and the more you desire out of life and people, the worse off you are in the love department. Facks on facks. And you’re over 30?! We all know you tuck your degrees and diplomas and career under your pillow, bitter, lonely woman. I mean, can you even cook?
  8. The goal in life is perfection. Live up to everyone’s expectations at all times. This is the true measure of perfection. If no one complains about you, and you’re worn ragged as a result, who can fault you for being exactly what is expected? At this point, you’re perfect!
  9. People’s opinions of who you are and what you do matters immensely. Again, it’s amount molding yourself to the pleasure of others. You’re a humanitarian, after all. The only life you’re gifted cannot possibly be lived according to the terms of the personality gifted the body. Benevolence is cute, but my opinion of who you are and what you ought to be matters more than the love you ought to generously dole yourself.

Dawn Breaks and So Does Its Pride

to lay naked in front of yourself is an exercise in your mortality. in learning the difference between loneliness and being alone. let the voices within your thoughts swirl around you and you are echoing in them. nothing is as humbling as ugly vulnerability. stripping yourself of the pride of your personhood. your pride calling out from behind you — a baby’s scream for attention. you release yourself to walk upon the ashes of your ego. let those who watch you come to their own conclusions. their eyes tearing at your flesh and tongues wagging in understanding. do they understand? expectations crack through your window, as daybreak comes to meet you curled into the womb of your thoughts. the cooing of sunlight begs you to rise into it. but you are crippled. again. you swim, paddle, in strained attempts to be free. the task of being plagued! the burden of this affliction. if it were a robe, would you not shed it? if it were rope, would you not find its beginning? find its end? you have toyed with the idea of hibernation, haven’t you? toyed with the idea of laying there until something finds you — until the dew that had blanketed you dries on your flesh with first sun. if that becomes your liberation, so be it.

so be it.

red skies

red skies | haiku

red skies bled o’er her
she watched the sun tuck away
moments in her life
expansed silenced void
are gentle, tranquil spirits
tossing around her
this is where she finds her calm